Ok, this post is a little premature given our daughter is only 3.5. However, even now I’m beginning realise the horrid, startling, fact that No – my daughter is nothing like me.
This is a bitter pill to swallow.
If you had a great childhood, you want to impart every excitement, interest and passion into your child because you remember what you were like and therefore, you think they will be thinking along the same lines.
Wrong.
As a child I loved to read, I loved to play alone making up imaginary games. I loved sport and music and trying out all manner of different activities. I was and am scatty and hairbrained, I didn’t really care about my appearance and I was not what you would call a ‘girly girl’.
As a parent, I impart these things on my daughter. I focus on what was important to me, assuming that she will think the same way. I introduce her to umpteen books, she’s got involved with gymnastics and been horse riding twice. I’ve asked her whether she’d like to try martial arts. No. I’ve asked her whether she’d like to go horse riding again. No. I ask her whether she’d like to play rugby or football in the garden, or try and ride her bike. No.
If I ask her whether she’d like to play mummies and daddies, I know she’ll say yes. If I ask her if she’d like to dress up in a princess outfit, I know she’ll have the shoes on before I have the chance to get out the Cinderella dvd.
This is awkward.
How do you play and engage with a child who isn’t your mini-me?
The answer – you watch how they play and engage with others and take those cues.
I remember doing a small jigsaw puzzle with my daughter a year ago. I was trying to get her to work horizontally across the picture, whereas she wanted to work vertically. It really hit me that not only is she the girly girl that I never was, she also learns differently to me.
I watch her play and engage with my other half and I can immediately see less frustration as they are on a similar wavelength and use a different logic to solve problems.
One of your jobs as a parent is to teach and impart knowledge. However, if your brains are wired differently, it isn’t as easy as you think.
So what am I doing about this?
I’m learning to take a step back.
As a naturally competitive and dare I say it ‘pushy parent’, it goes against my instinct to just accept the differences and not try and change them. But, I think it is so incredibly important to allow a child to grow into who they are destined to become and not live the dream that their parent had mapped out for them.
So, I’m off to buy some more pink bracelets and some clip-clop princess heels for my little diva. Maybe I’ll buy a pink football too………just in case.
This was very interesting to read! I have found it incredible how different all of my children are from each other and how between them they have only a few similarities to me. It can be really hard as a parent not to ‘push’ things on our children that we think they ‘should’ be enjoying or doing. I agree with you completely that we should allow them to become who they want to be – as difficult as this may sometimes be for us 🙂 Enjoy your pink, glittery shopping 🙂 #KCACOLS
Yes, it really was a lightbulb moment for me. If she skips my heavy metal phase then that will be a result! #KCACOLS
A great post, it’s got me thinking about my daughter now. will she grow up tom boyish like me as well? xx
#KCACOLS
Thanks, it is exciting wondering what hobbies the children will like when they’re old enough to be driven towards particular activities. I think my daughter has actually made me more girly over the last few years! #KCACOLS
A really interesting read and I think it’s so important not to think that our children will be like us just because they are our children. I had this thought yesterday when I said to my daughter “how can you study in this room it’s a tip?” I always needed a clean ordered environment to study but that doesn’t mean my daughter needs that! Great post – really enjoyed reading it #KCACOLS
Thanks, glad you enjoyed the read. It does make you stop and think sometimes, it is so easy to make the assumption that they’ll be the same as you. #KCACOLS
This is such a great and fascinating read. My boy is only 13 months, so his personality and preferences are really beginning to shine through. But, it never really crossed my mind that he may be and think completely differently than I do. Definitely giving me a new perspective. Thanks for sharing! #KCACOLS
Thanks for reading and commenting, I’m glad you enjoyed it. #KCACOLS
My son has autism and thinks and plays very differently to other children – and to how I would have expected him to. It can be very difficult and frustrating at times. He has to have everything perfect and likes things that are extremely repetitive. In the end we learn with them and about them as they grow and accept them for who they are. An interesting read. #KCACOLS
Thanks for reading. I imagine it really is a learning curve watching your son develop. #KCACOLS
Great post – I often think about this. I was a tom boy with 2 older brothers but my little girl seems quite girly so far. So it’s embracing what makes her happy and doing things that complement her personality. #KCACOLS
Hey, glad you enjoyed it. It really is intriguing watching the personalities grow and change. #KCACOLS
This is one of the things I love most about being a parent – watching and finding out who my children are, what they like, how they learn – it’s fascinating! It can be hard to adjust though can’t it, when you just assume they’ll be like you, or think like you, and actually they’re really quite different! x #KCACOLS
Hey, thanks for reading. Yes, it really does make you think and assume less. I’m looking forward to the school days when my daughter finds her passions. #KCACOLS
Such an interesting one! I definitely had the idea that my child would be a mini-me – that idea was smashed fairly early on when it became clear that he was a blonde haired, blue eyed little cherub (I’m dark eyes, dark hair, olive skin). He’s just hit two and is into trains, puzzles, and unlike me or his dad, is showing clear signs of being into football! I love seeing his interests emerge and seeing him become his own little person #KCACOLS
Thanks, glad you could relate to the post. It is lovely to watch them grow! Finding a completely new interest that neither of you are in to must be even more intriguing. 🙂 #KCAKOLS
My daughter is actually my mini me. We are very similar except for reading I was/still am more of a bookworm than she is. I love being watch how she grows and choose what she enjoys #kcacols
Ah, I guess that must happen very regularly, where to you can see yourself in your child. A sweet tooth is definitely one similarity we have. #KCACOLS
Oh I love this post. It is so interesting! I understand when you say that you would love to share the same interests with your daughter and to also learn things in the same way. My daughters have some similarities to me but they also have their own mind and sometimes they also learn things in a different way than me. I love watching them grow and see what they would like to be. My youngest one has a strong personality and even though she is not even 2 years old I can tell how she is already shaping her personality whereas my eldest one is more shy but also knows exactly what she wants. It is interesting to see them grow. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I hope to see you again on Sunday, 🙂 xx
Thanks! Glad you could relate, it is something that took me a while to realise! Then again, I was sure that I’d take to motherhood like a duck to water with no challenges. Haha #KCACOLS