The Second Child Dilemma part 2

** Note this could be distressing to some readers**

So, part 1 of the second child dilemma discussed our pros and cons of adding to our family.  This is part 2. I’m not even going to include images to ‘liven’ it up.

Over Christmas 2015 we took a risk in the bedroom.  The likelihood of pregnancy was extremely low – I was at the end of my period and certainly not ovulating.

In January, I took a pregnancy test. I was 3 days late, which is unlike me, and even though I googled every site and they all said it would be highly unlikely, I thought I’d better be sure.

Guess what – I got a positive result in seconds.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. The points on the track had been switched and suddenly we’re on our original path again.

It was a shock and with every tiny initial twinge of excitement, there was a massive twinge of worry and unhappiness.  Financially we would be in disarray.  Just as we had established a good routine, had a child settled happily in her new private pre-school, ordered a new car (whilst we still could) and basically defined ourselves as the career-focused, ‘family of three’, we had been gifted the opportunity of a second child.  An opportunity that I know so many many people out there are waiting for month after month, with never-ending disappointment.

At that time in our lives, just two months ago, we couldn’t do it.

It was wrong.

In every way.

I was angry, emotional and felt nothing towards the cells. I was taking it out on my work, my colleagues (I put the phone down on one), and worst of all my daughter, who I had no energy for and even less patience for.

When you’re pregnant and it’s wanted, the joy helps you deal with the tiredness and the emotional upheaval.  There was no joy, no sense of immediate bond and essentially, I was on the edge, as was my other half.

We discussed our situation for 3 weeks before deciding that we were in no position to continue.  We categorically would not cope at this moment.

We made a choice, had a consultation and got booked in.

After the event, I felt nothing but elation.  No regrets.

It was a very positive experience for us and 100% the right thing for our family at that time.

Any sadness that I feel is not for what could have been, but for our circumstances that have meant that something I know was a gift, couldn’t be accepted. I feel for my friends, family and everyone who is unable at this time to be gifted  – I am so sorry.

I do wish I could give my daughter a sibling. Both of us know that it would probably be a good thing for her, but our current situation means it just wouldn’t work.  One day, this may change and my feelings may change, but for now, no more ‘risks’, however low.

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Amelia Salisbury

A thirty-something working Mum of one who devotes her spare time to helping other paranoid, worrying, stressed parents who are trying to juggle careers and parenthood.

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