Children in the main tend to be good at making friends, their confidence will tend to enable them to automatically engage in play with a peer who they haven’t met before. If a child isn’t confident, then chances are another more confident child will bring them out of their shell. My daughter did it with another little girl a year ago and nursery made a point of saying how she was helping the less confident child to become more involved. #proudmummymoment.
Anyway, this post isn’t about the children, it’s about the adults.
How do you make Mummy/Daddy friends?
I have friends from different stages of my life – school, university, work, and thankfully antenatal. These friends all have children of different ages, but having moved away from the antenatal bunch I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve struggled to make friends with my daughter’s nursery/school Mums.
Problem number 1 is that I rarely see them.
I drop daughter off to pre-school and then I dash to work. There is no playground chat. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a nod of the head from Isaac’s Mum, or Hector’s Dad.
At pick-up, its a race to get there before close, when many a time, my daughter is the last one left. Again, a potential nod as the slightly earlier parent walks away whilst chatting to their offspring about their day.
Problem number 2 is that, well basically, I’m a bit shy.
This is exacerbated by problem number 1.
Party invites are beginning to increase, and foolishly I thought this was going to be the start of some serious Mummy bonding. Unfortunately, it transpires it is not as simple as that. You see, I’m not actually sure what to say.
On arrival at parties, there always seems to be pockets of chatting between parents. They all look as if they’ve been friends for years whilst I stand alone, usually with a child clinging to me and I begin to feel a bit self-conscious.
A bit like I don’t fit in.
I’m too embarrassed to interrupt a conversation, so instead, I stand there like a lemon desperately hoping that someone will come over and talk to me.
This cannot be good role-modelling for my daughter!
Problem number 3 is I probably don’t come across as very approachable
The fact I’m rarely seen means I’m probably known as the ‘full-timer’. I’m the career woman who must oose confidence and self-esteem. I probably don’t want to be part of the Mummy group as I’m far too busy doing very important work! (** as they see me checking my phone for the umpteenth time, pretending it doesn’t matter that I’m by myself**)
But I do.
I really do want to be part of the group. I’d like to be involved and whilst I’m no good at baking or crafts, I’m not a bad organiser and I do actually smile and laugh quite a lot. In fact, I will quite happily chat to strangers at a work event, or present in front of a panel of people. I’m strong, independent and confident – apart from as a Mum.
Making friends sure does get harder as you get older. Maybe I need to learn a thing or two from my daughter.
Does anyone want to come out to play?
Yep, i’ve written a post like this myself on my Facebook page. I’m a real introvert and am just so bad in social situations. It sucks really and like you id like to meet some new mummy friends but i just can’t seem to click with anyone! Anyway, great article! #fortheloveofBLOG
Thanks – glad you could relate. It is so hard to try and fit in when you feel an outcast for no reason.
I completely agree with this post Amelia, I think it gets harder to make friends as you get older, as you’re more aware of who you are, will they like me etc…which would cast doubt in my mind. I know how difficult it is to enter a group of people as an outsider, and reading your post brought back that feeling. I would definitely be your friend if we were at the same play date. Thanks so much for joining us at #fortheloveofBLOG, I hope you come join the party next week. Claire x
Thanks Claire, I really enjoyed reading the posts linked for #fortheloveofBLOG.
It’s a tricky problem! I know my wife as a SAHM has struggled to find mum friends and how hard that has been.
I find I’m better at talking to mums than dads and it’s rare to find a dad on a similar wavelength.
You make a good point about using your work skills to help out so you can show you can be part of the group and in doing so get to know people a little better. Playground politics can be bewildering. #KCACOLS
Thanks for reading. Playground politics can be as bad as office politics sometimes!
You sound like me! I am not confident and won’t interrupt a conversation in the playground either so will end up standing on my own, that’s if i get to the playground early enough to wait for the school bell! My eldest is like me too but my youngest is so confident, i don’t know where she gets her confidence from! Thanks for linking up to #puddinglove
Thanks for reading and commenting. It really is something that can be awkward to navigate at the start. #puddinglove
AH it can be so hard – I have had to work at making playground Mum friends. Unfortunately I have a bad case of resting b*tch face so I often look a bit scary and unapproachable! It a struggle and I am afraid I have no good advice for you 🙁 #puddinglove
The more I worry about it, the more I have the ‘face’ on. Sometimes I’m so bad I just look at my feet or focus on my daughter so as not to risk making eye contact. Dreadful! haha. #puddinglove
A great article. Sorry to hear your struggle. It must be so hard as a working parent. I often feel self conscious but it is made easier by the fact I only work one day per week. I’m sure the other Mummies would love you to say hi to them. I think most of us all feel the same. It’s just taking the plunge! 🙂 it’s lovely to have such a friendly blogging community to turn to though!! X
Thanks for your kind comment. I agree that some Mums probably feel the same, but the risk of being blanked makes me reluctant. I’m still working on it though. 🙂 #puddinglove