The other day I read a lovely blog which contained a letter from a SAHM to working mothers and a letter from a working mum to the SAHM and it got me thinking about other people’s circumstances, where they are made to feel guilty and are judged on their decisions by society or even by themselves.
This is my letter to the Terminator, whoever they may be.
Please don’t think that I judge you for deciding to terminate your pregnancy. How can I for one second know what is going through your head during a time when emotions are already running riot as your body starts a mammoth physical and mental change?
I do not know whether you already have a child with severe learning difficulties, who takes up the majority of your precious energy, love and time.
I do not know whether you suffered with serious PND the first time round.
I do not know whether you’re only 16 and are no way in a position to raise a child, as you are still a child yourself.
I do not know whether a previous birthing experience left you incontinent at both ends, gave you multiple stitches and left you in hospital for a week barely able to hold your firstborn.
I do not know whether your birth control failed and actually you weren’t being ‘irresponsible’.
I do not know whether you are in an abusive relationship.
I do not know whether you were forced into terminating this pregnancy by other family members.
I do not know whether you are about to finish your PhD that you have been working towards for the last 3 years.
I do not know whether you’re currently on anti-depressant medication because you’ve been going through a really low period in your already full life.
I do not know whether you have financial worries and can barely afford to feed yourself let alone another.
I do not know whether your family has a high risk of genetic abnormalities that you are too scared to pass onto offspring.
I do not know anything about you.
I do know however, that the decision you have made has probably caused weeks of angst, sadness and dilemma, and that you only want to make the best decision for everyone concerned.
Terminator, I salute you for making a decision and for accepting any emotional repercussions that may bring to yourself. I want you to know that it’s ok and that society doesn’t know your circumstances and so is wrong to judge.
Don’t ever let society make you feel guilty for trying to make the right decision for you at a particular point in time.
It takes a very strong person to make a decision like that. You are strong and be proud of it.
Sending love and courage,
Mum of One.